ÄR RÄDD VAD FOLK SKRIVER

Tar en liten paus från de sociala medier jag är offentlig på. Jag fokuserar nu på att göra musik, min podcast, skolan och må bättre från min depression tack vare min nya medicin. Då vill jag inte stressa mig och uppdatera Snapchat eller Shazam, inte för att jag inte älskar er, för det gör jag, men för att det är för mycket för mig just nu psykiskt.

Folk på Youtube skriver så mycket om mig och laddar upp videor där de låtsas att de har min läckta musik och så gör de fejkkonton om mig och använder mitt artistnamn för att själva bli ‘‘kända’’. Det ger mig också onödig stress, men jag googlar mig själv då inte haha. Lova mig att om du läst så här långt, att du inte tror på vad folk skriver om mig. Tack! /Z

i’m so happy for these things ♡🐰

Recently I received a private message from a fan on Instagram wishing me good luck for my career and that they were excited for my mental health to be better and this is my “public answer” back ...

First of all, thank you for being here and taking your time to write me on Instagram. I really appreciated that. I got a mixture between feelings and it was a lot of emotions from my side coming together at once.

I first felt very happy that someone took their time to tell me that. I’ve isolated myself from people this week, and to hear that really made me feel good inside. Then I felt a bit scared, but in a good way. (I like feeling the empowerment of good in a scary way, if that makes sense.) 

Anyways, I’m busy trying to live my life and be as happy as possible. I think it’s important to focus on my private life and mental health as much as possible. I constantly switch from being sad to happy and vice verse throughout the days and it takes a lot of energy to put up with that.

I’m almost done with what could be my debut EP. I want to release it in a few months time as everything goes by in my life. I also have some exciting other news to tell you later on this year.

I love you and thank you for being so patient with me. Wishing my fans a great weekend and hope you stick around to see me grow. Xoxo zeventine ☁️🌸💕 

I’M IN THE BORDERLINE OF TWO LIVES

It’s true what the title is insinuating, I sort of live two lives at the same time, yet I’m not. It’s all so very confusing, so I’ll try to break it down the best I can.

Constantly I’m struggling to know who I am. What my purpose in our society is. As a thirteen year old I thought I already found it. I was an entrepreneur having my own company, people in my school (both grown ups and other children) thought I was so great. I also was an actor and songwriter. And for that, I had so many bullies and haters. A year later, I couldn’t walk alone in school or in any other public place for that matter, without having people knowing who I was and knowing about my job to abuse me verbally and stalk me. As a fourteen year old, it was traumatizing to go through. Public bullying. 

Two years later, when I was sixteen, I’d moved on from being an actor to focus mainly on my career as an artist and songwriter. I’d managed to build up a modest following on snapchat and shazam and I could write in peace, while I also worked on a few projects such as “Ted: Show me love” and different things for SVT and TV4. But people kept trying to hack me and release my unreleased music and titles to the public, so much so thousands of people started knowing who I was. 

People online started breaking me down and used my name for clicks. I’d become a living click bate, and when I tried to tell all these people what was up, it was impossible. It was impossible because I was one and they were thousands of people. After dozens of panic attacks over what people write about me, I realized that I couldn’t have that affecting my private life.

Fast forwarding to now, I’ve had so much anxiety after everything in my career life. I’ve stopped caring for what people are saying about me. I’m making music in peace finally and after a few scandals after the mental breakdown I suffered last year, I’ve moved on.  

My private life isn’t all that great. I suffer from anxiety and I’m constantly battling that, and it’s getting better.  

Now to the thing: what I mean about me living two lives and that I’m in the borderline of having those two lives, is that I both am in the middle of being a private and public figure all the time.  

PRIVATE LIFE: 

* I have the ordinary “teenage problems” as any other 17 year old is facing.

* I do my best in school and try to be a good student. 

* I’m going to parties and hang out with friends from time to time.

PUBLIC LIFE:

* I’m working a lot with different projects for SVT.

* I’m making music and people write rumors about it, hitting thousands of people online. 

* People, when they get to know about my job, talk behind my back, bully me, ghost me out etc. 

* I get recognized by strangers a few times when I’m out in public. Not often, but a few times a year.  

* I’m torn apart everytime I say something slightly controversial PC things online. Strangers just love to bash me and I always have to think about what I say publicly because I’m afraid of what my snapchat/blog/Shazam fans will think. Anything I say can get twisted and talked about in a negative light EVERYWHERE. 

* My posts on Shazam have over 3 million views a year and thousands of people follow me there, on my snapchat story and website as well, but that's not a bad thing, in fact, it's something I’m really thankful for.  

 

But that was a list of some of the things that are making everything extremely complicated for me from time to time. I’m in the middle of being both a public figure and private figure all the time and it’s tearing me apart all the time. I’m trying to make it not get to me, and it’s relatively easy since I’m not really a person to consider ''famous''. The past months, my life's been very focused on being a figure to look up to for my Z Army A.K.A you guys, (which I failed at lololol) that I forgot about taking care of myself and focus on my private life more and just being me. 

This was a little life update explaining why I’m very stressed and giving you a few reasons for why my anxiety sometimes just is harder to get rid of than what it possibly maybe could be otherwise. 

Love You xoxo Zeventine <3

MY MENTAL ISSUES MAKE ME FEEL SAFE

Yes, you read the title right!

I know, it’s weird for me too, but a couple of weeks ago I was walking aimlessly throughout Stockholm city and stopped by a Starbucks in Stureplan and I had so much “life anxiety”.  

I don’t know if it’s a legitimate thing, but you know how some people are afraid of dying, and can have severe anxiety about that, I have that as well, but about living and not dying. 

So I was walking and grabbed an iced latte, when I realized I felt safer the more life anxiety I had... Although I don’t enjoy feeling depressed, I feel secure when I feel down. Because I think life and to live is scary. To be alive frightens me and feeling depressed makes me feel more safe and able to handle and process my thoughts better.  

I continued my day walking in Östermalm and other parts of Stockholm and I’ve never felt more confident in my mental health issues. It sounds so weird I know but that’s how it was.

Message of the day: You’re not weird for having mental health issues and you’re not alone. It’s awful to feel bad but at the end of the day, it strengthens you. It’s true.

 

Byeeeee!!!!! 

DEPRESSION

Depression! The diagnosis professionals don’t want to diagnose me with. Because that’d mean they’d have to give me antidepressants and care for what I have to say. Which they don’t.

Depression is to me a way for my failiours to gather around me and choke me into the oblivion without anyone or me noticing.

I’m sorry for the few people who follow me on Spotify who see me bitch about feeling sad all the time. &lt;333

I’m sorry for the few people who follow me on Spotify who see me bitch about feeling sad all the time. <333

But what it’s not, is the end. Because I know that I hate my life today and I’ll continue to hate my life for years like I’ve hated it for years before. But one thing I know is that it’s not lasting forever. I will get better and I will get better eventually. I am allowed to be sad and feel bad for myself, and I know that in the future when I’m stronger and have fixed a better life for myself, I will move on. I’m just not there yet. 

IM SORRY

I’d like to publicly apologize for what went on on snapchat and shazam last night when I suffered a nervous breakdown. I said so many hurtful things to people in real life and some of it got to social media in my frustration. 

I’m not going to go into full detail on why I went off on social media for my thousands of followers, but I felt suicidal, I felt neglected and I felt abandoned, and when you’re seventeen years old, that shit is extra hard to deal with. I don’t know how many people saw what went off online or if anyone has screenshots to leak to the media, but it makes the same difference; I’m sorry.  

This is all on me, and to my LGBTQ+ Followers, I’d like to say I’m sorry to the most. Although I had the right to use certain words for to my sexual orientation, the needs to use them were certainly unnecessary and childish of me to use. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Today I’m embarrassed for what happened and also terrified for how I can snap mentally and physically. Last night was one of the worst nights in my life and I’m so sorry to any friend or follower that saw me. I’m so sorry 💕💕💕.

I NEED ME (nightly rant de moi)

So here I am, 1 am in the morning, on the couch, on my iPhone, blogging. I’m getting really bad at updating, but you know i won’t excuse me all the time, like most bloggers do. I have a career and I’m working. That’s what’s taking time. Anyhow, I just got done reading celebrity news articles on DN (Swedish news paper site) and an important thought popped up.

Why do I always have to compare myself to these celebrities? Why do people in general feel the need to compare me to these celebrities? Why doing that when I’m my own person?  

Ten minutes go and I get more things to think about. The friends I have who I’ve teased my music for, have never compared me to others. Social media does though. Always asking me who my influences are? Lady Gaga, Britney, Micheal, Zara Larsson? No, I’m my own person. My own person. With my own style. Own words and own art.

I feel so done comparing myself to people who are so much more successful than me. Sure, it’s nice to be inspired by fellow artists in the business, but it’s very easy to let it go too far. Like letting it go so far, all I think of is this artist’s so much better than me, or this and that’s so much better than my this and that. — I’m just so sick of it. So sick of always having this obsessive need of being as good as someone else just to save my made up self-esteem when all I can ever be is myself.

I need me. More than someone else ever will need me. I need me.

And I will never ever listen what hateful speeches people tell me about my career ever again. From now on, all I’m ever gonna do, is listening and only listening to myself and the feedback from friends. The end. 

CUZ IM BOSSY

I'm currently on a break from my job as a micro influencer .... or I'm not, but the flow just isn't there anymore. Though I've started listening more to Keke Palmer (AKA True Jackson AKA Akeelah and the bee AKA my queen)'s songs. Her latest song Bossy really inspires me when it comes to its message. That Keke's not afraid of being who she is as a woman in the entertainment business, that she takes the fight and won't give up, despite her own struggles with anxiety and other problems in the past, which is really strong of her. Strong because I have similar 'issues' I'm going through at the moment which I'm not there to get out of yet.

She said something on Genius a while back that I'd like to share with you. It's so good!! 

I've said it before and she's seen it before, I think she's such a great role model to me, as a fellow actor/singer in the business, I know that she is a role model. Know how I know? Because she's open with her feelings and the struggles she's had. She gives advice when needed and is always there to give me a 'virtual hug'. Something I'm very glad for. xxxx zev.

Keke-palmer-genius-bossy