It’s true what the title is insinuating, I sort of live two lives at the same time, yet I’m not. It’s all so very confusing, so I’ll try to break it down the best I can.
Constantly I’m struggling to know who I am. What my purpose in our society is. As a thirteen year old I thought I already found it. I was an entrepreneur having my own company, people in my school (both grown ups and other children) thought I was so great. I also was an actor and songwriter. And for that, I had so many bullies and haters. A year later, I couldn’t walk alone in school or in any other public place for that matter, without having people knowing who I was and knowing about my job to abuse me verbally and stalk me. As a fourteen year old, it was traumatizing to go through. Public bullying.
Two years later, when I was sixteen, I’d moved on from being an actor to focus mainly on my career as an artist and songwriter. I’d managed to build up a modest following on snapchat and shazam and I could write in peace, while I also worked on a few projects such as “Ted: Show me love” and different things for SVT and TV4. But people kept trying to hack me and release my unreleased music and titles to the public, so much so thousands of people started knowing who I was.
People online started breaking me down and used my name for clicks. I’d become a living click bate, and when I tried to tell all these people what was up, it was impossible. It was impossible because I was one and they were thousands of people. After dozens of panic attacks over what people write about me, I realized that I couldn’t have that affecting my private life.
Fast forwarding to now, I’ve had so much anxiety after everything in my career life. I’ve stopped caring for what people are saying about me. I’m making music in peace finally and after a few scandals after the mental breakdown I suffered last year, I’ve moved on.
My private life isn’t all that great. I suffer from anxiety and I’m constantly battling that, and it’s getting better.
Now to the thing: what I mean about me living two lives and that I’m in the borderline of having those two lives, is that I both am in the middle of being a private and public figure all the time.
* I have the ordinary “teenage problems” as any other 17 year old is facing.
* I do my best in school and try to be a good student.
* I’m going to parties and hang out with friends from time to time.
* I’m working a lot with different projects for SVT.
* I’m making music and people write rumors about it, hitting thousands of people online.
* People, when they get to know about my job, talk behind my back, bully me, ghost me out etc.
* I get recognized by strangers a few times when I’m out in public. Not often, but a few times a year.
* I’m torn apart everytime I say something slightly controversial PC things online. Strangers just love to bash me and I always have to think about what I say publicly because I’m afraid of what my snapchat/blog/Shazam fans will think. Anything I say can get twisted and talked about in a negative light EVERYWHERE.
* My posts on Shazam have over 3 million views a year and thousands of people follow me there, on my snapchat story and website as well, but that's not a bad thing, in fact, it's something I’m really thankful for.
But that was a list of some of the things that are making everything extremely complicated for me from time to time. I’m in the middle of being both a public figure and private figure all the time and it’s tearing me apart all the time. I’m trying to make it not get to me, and it’s relatively easy since I’m not really a person to consider ''famous''. The past months, my life's been very focused on being a figure to look up to for my Z Army A.K.A you guys, (which I failed at lololol) that I forgot about taking care of myself and focus on my private life more and just being me.
This was a little life update explaining why I’m very stressed and giving you a few reasons for why my anxiety sometimes just is harder to get rid of than what it possibly maybe could be otherwise.
Love You xoxo Zeventine <3