It's time to feel festive, people! Christmas eve is in less than a month, and I've already been embracing it on various social media, as you might've seen. I don't really like Christmas eve, to be honest. And yes I know, there's nothing wrong with that either. I mean, I like the feeling of Christmas and the cozy feeling of peace I get, especially when looking at various shopping windows in inner Stockholm. I can walk around all stores in the city for hours every hour of December, and embrace the feeling over a hot christmas chocolate. That's nice, but something's that's not nice is what Christmas itself is.

To get on track my past Christmas eves have not been so great due to personal reasons. So many people I feel have hurt me on that very day, over and over again, year after year, and I'm tired of it. Sick and tired of being hurt, and having my heart crossed. I feel like I need a break from celebrating it that very day. Or that day it self, I mean.

I know so many out there personally that feel me, that also feel like I do, that are tired of Christmas and everything it stands for, and if you feel so too I don't blame you. You also have reasons and they matter as well.

Christmas is supposed to be a fun holiday with much love and caring, and yes, I do get that, so I'm very grateful for that that very day as well. It's not like I'm hating all of it. It's just that some parts of me feel unhappy that day due to people. People that used to be familiar faces of friends. 

And when it comes to how other people experience Christmas eve we don't know. It's not that they'll say it, or do anything about it either. We're not in control of them the slightest. We're not them and they're not us. We can't change, or switch up their bad holidays and turn them into magical paradises in the matter of seconds, or at all even. 

I don't know what I'm writing, or thinking at this point. Am I happy about Christmas, or not? Can I just decide? NO. I don't have to, and so don't you. 

I have absolutely no structure of this post at all, and just to get a message out of this I want to say that it's okay to feel unhappy about Christmas. It's 100% okay, because it's your life. A tip from me is just to accept your situation and change it. You can do it, and if you can't do it alone, talk to friends, family, at least someone you trust, and ask them for help. You're so strong, I know you can make it. 

Always yours,

Zeventine <3