This post is not meant to harm anyone, or any company/brand I’ve worked with! 

I love my mother, she’s my role model and friend, but she can be a little controlling from time to time. It’s nothing wrong with that by any means, but sometimes it leads to things going downhill. 

When I was about to turn 6 years old, my mother wanted me to start acting. She wanted me to go to acting school, and God knows what her intentions of my future were to be if I actually did that at that age. 

A and a half year later in autumn I started acting in culture school. I was really sick those months having colds all the time, so I only had a cameo the first show me and the cast did. The show wasn’t that memorable, but it was about a couple of animal friends escaping a zoo to experience Christmas in a hot country, and I had a cameo as a cavy. The only line I remember was repeating the cat’s line “What are you doing here!?” and that it got a few laughs out of the audience. 

I don’t really remember my friends there to be honest. I do remember some names, but not faces, and how I tried to get along with them, but that I was out-frozen. However I actually got to know a boy in the cast, we were friends for another three years, until we split up and did other shows. 

What I actually do remember is the thought I always reminded myself about at age 8 to 10, that I shouldn’t be too friendly with the other people on the shows, because behind the scenes you were either perfect, or you were frozen-out. And I did not want to be abused that way.  

When I say abused I’m not only talking about being frozen-out, since that’s not abuse. The last few years doing shows for this school things were intense. I had a stalker, I was bullied and had to stand out with mental abuse from the people in the cast I thought were my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still friends with a few of them, but not most of them. 

Although we were an amateur theatre group, we did do some big shows from time to time, and yes, it was fun performing for hundreds of people to even thousands at some shows. The stage was my home, but it came with a few perks. The last tour (which was a mini tour) I did with the group, was Shakespeare’s A Missummernights Dream, and I played the main part. During the premiere I was getting mentally abused by my fellow co-actors, and I had panic attacks. I remember even feeling kind of suicidal that night, and that there was no way out but acting. I forgot all my lines that premiere show, and people humiliated me backstage, except for a few. I remember it feeling as if people were staring at the curtains to see my frightened shadow freak out.

Except for me crying the hell out inside during the after-party mingle get together - thingy, I somehow kept it cool. After another show during the national day of Sweden, June 6 the same year, I decided to never get back to that theatre group. Not after what they did to me. 

After I’d left, I starred in a summer tour and then signed a record deal, so yes, things turned out well for me, after all. 

What I basically am trying to say, is that even though it would’ve been better if I never acted in the first place, I still enjoyed it. I’m glad I didn’t end up as “those” Disney/Nickelodeon kids who we read about in the magazines right now. That I’ve kept myself sane during all of these years. (Ps! Nick, Disney, hire me, I love you) 

The reason I’m telling you guys this, is that I want to tell you that my industry is like this. You’re either in, or you’re out. Your cast mates aren’t there for you behind the scenes. It’s only you, so keep yourself together. If you want to be an actor, never take the abuse and just trust yourself — no matter what others say. You’re you and you’re great!! <333


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